Did you hear me screaming? That high thin keening of agony and despair? Apple did, that's for sure. I've so had it with crap and bullshit.

There was an OS X update, for 10.2.8. Unfortunately, if you have a Mac with my exact profile (dual G4, gigabit, on an ethernet network)... after you install the update, you won't be able to connect to the internet.

LOL, here's how twisted I am: I thought I was being squelched! I'm so worked up and paranoid in the crusade, it actually crossed my mind that my beloved Apple was out to get ME. Keep me off the internet (like we're being kept off Google). I took it as personally as an X-Man. Honest to god, that was my first reaction. I had to talk my own self down.

Well, the crap hit the fan. I don't even want to talk about it, except to say I'm sick sick sick of sloppy half-assed crap. I don't need this. I might as well stay in OS 9 the whole time until Panther comes out. The update came down pretty damn fast, though, didn't it? Oops.

I need an eye transplant from the ferocious rolling my poor peepers have gone through. This update somehow made it onto software update, when all it does is cripple my exact machine... which I know is the workhorse of my industry. If this wasn't so laughably ridiculous, it would be kind of scary. How can crap like that get past QA? I mean, does anybody test the updates, like AT ALL?

You'll be happy to know...

I, johnq, the Mighty, am ripshit.

Apple, you fucked up. And you suck.

So I'm at work, at the pinnacle of a product development cycle (hint, a t-shirt design for auto-racing with an initial print run of about 100,000) and Software Update alerts me of 10.2.8.

I think, well, I have a backup on a firewire drive, CD and my work network, plus I have versions on FTP and sent emails to the client, so I'm fairly bullet-proof file-wise, so why not download the update. It's pulling down nice and fast but still I read abut the update online and see some issues regarding ethernet. I make a mental note and pause wondering to save a copy of the web page I found that had a terminal workaround/tip that fixes the ethernet problem.

Well I decided not to (I have great X-luck, hence my usual smugness) and when it finished installing I restarted and checked, seemed fine. Got on the 'net fine.

But I took my iBook home and when I got there, no internet.

Now, I had intended to finished work that night. But of course my roomates were not home and their doors were locked so their Macs were off limit.

Fucked.

Ok, not really-really fucked although even booting into Panther - I mean, "an older backup of Mac OS X", yeah that's it, didn't let me get onto the net, so I never REALLY got it to work. Yes, I could have booted into 9 several ways but I was loathe to and satisfied to get a good hate-on.

I raged around a bit and got nice and sleepy from hate and evil and deathlust, and played some Ghost Recon to take my mind off it. Screw it.

But I wonder "What If" this had been "The Big One", The big client or project I really needed to get done? (I had done more than enough work to be able to take the night off, but still, it's the principle)

I was aghast at Apple's stupidity. (Finally, you might cheer) Sure, I should "know better" than to update a machine that quickly. But have we come to that; to let the most eager, most trusting, most gullible, most innocent be the unwitting beta testers?

"Ethernet? You don't need no stinking Ethernet.."

So feeling like raging to a human lump, I, (haha) call Apple...

1-800-sos-apple....

They were closed!!! Naturally.

Please call back during normal business hours!!!

then...(drumroll)

FOR ADDITIONAL SUPPORT OPTIONS, PLEASE VISIT US ON THE WEB AT WWW.APPLE.COM/SUPPORT

(RIMSHOT)

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, goodnight. I'll be appearing at the Cupertino Holiday Inn in on the 17th...

Oh the irony. Delicious.

But seriously, what the F Apple? Could you install it on even ONE test machine before uploading it for consumption?

As. Bad. As. Microsoft.

It's official.

Now, please, fire the appropriate people and get back to quality.

(I got it to work the day after by copying over a good copy of the AppleGMACEthernet file....)

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But I wonder "What If" this had been "The Big One", The big client or project I really needed to get done?

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It was for me. That was exactly it. I was in the middle of a thrilling, nipple-erecting deadline... and had been having SO much trouble with OS X, that I thought the upgrade was perhaps a chance that something important might have been fixed, and improve my situation (I was doing a lot of switching back and forth). Thank the sweet merciful heavens that I don't trust Apple anymore. The distrust was the only thing that saved me. That, OS 9, and alternate machines, halfway decent backups.

I lost time, when I really couldn't afford to lose time. And maybe it was lack of sleep--no, not maybe, I was hallucinating--but I was convinced I was in the ol' squelching crosshairs again.

Here's my wild guess... that this bug began life as some anti-music-sharing-over-the-internet bullshit gone very wrong. Some attempt to big brother peer-to-peers... oops. Busted. Sometimes peers are a GOOD thing, like when you have to work with them in your biz network, or have to share files with them over the net for legitimate purposes. I think a bolloxed music security thing is the only logical conclusion for a fuckup of this magnitude. And remember, this coincided with the announcement of new CDs that discourage sharing. I'm a master baiter, so what can I do but put two and two together. Somebody out there, drunk on Apple's identity as savior of the music industry, was seeing what they wanted to see, and let this one through.

This is the KIND of thing that happens when you put greed before your users. Crap like this happens when you are trying to pull something. It's the same with Microsoft. Their biggest blunders are always when they've got some double-secret agenda or intrigue. Cloak and dagger manipulative bullshit, instead of just "hey, what say let's make it better."

Brother mighty, I'm sorry you went through that. No wait, I ain't. Let that hate-on burn, baby. Finally indeed. I don't know about you, but I've been sick of stupid shit for a long, long time. I've always refused to put up with it. Computer Operating systems are creatures which guys like us have to trust our friggin' LIVES to, and to have this level of half-assedness associated with them, ain't right. It's another instance of the goofy shit being more important than your work, my work.

I can't wait to see X-Men spin this one, make excuses and play apologist. Sorry, crap is crap. Shit like this doesn't happen unless you are trying to become something you're not. When you lose perspective and go greed-blind. When you look down your nose at your user base. When you dumb down your product for ends other than helping that user base and making their life and work easier and more productive.

When your whole OS becomes about pulling a fast one, this is what you get. Good. Drink it in, my brothers.

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I can't wait to see X-Men spin this one

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It never happened. It's your fault. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know how to use a computer. Stop whining. You're a retard. You need a newer Mac. You're a Luddite. Go back to Windows, you troll.


Markle

LOL. Except I NEVER was IN Windows, so I can't go back to something I've never really given the time of day except in messing around. I am hardcore, dyed-in-the-wool, true blue Apple. Since 1984 and the 128k. Before that I had Apple II's.

Luddites hate technology, whereas I love it. I just--god forgive me--like it to be GOOD. Useful. Work. I like it when it's real. When it's a lie, I don't like it as much. Instead of a stage prop Star Trek tricorder powered by my imagination and yearning, I'd rather have a REAL one that worked. Instead of the ILLUSION of a superfast, ultra-modern operating system, I want one that really is all those things.