Frequently Crapped Questions

Q: Is thalo.net affiliated in any way with this guy?
A: It's possible. Notice the lack of stripes and the sleek, monochrome styling.

Q: Will IBM's new 64-bit chip save the Mac?
A: No, but it could provide enough horsepower to save Aqua.

Q: Is Steve Jobs "Mactacular"?
A: Yes. He's taken to heart the lesson of "less is more" in terms of Apple's market share.

Q: Is the "RDF" a real physical phenomenon?
A: Yes. Jobs' super dynamic charisma causes an electrical charge to be induced in the WIMPs surrounding him.

Q: Is it safe to snort Pixie Stix?
A: If you need to ask then, yes, it's perfectly safe.

Q: If I really, really, really – I mean – REALLY like OS X, is there something wrong with me?
A: Absolutely not. Here, have another Pixie Stix.

Q: OS 9 crashes all the time. How can you say it's anything but junk?
A: Richard Petty crashed all the time, but he finished first more than anyone else. Next question.

Q: Do I need to use Unix in order to use OS X?
A: N/A. Unix uses you.

Q: What's that multicolor thingie I see spinning all the time?
A: Probably your beanie. Turn off the overhead fan if it annoys you.

Q: Where's the adjustment for seeing through the back of my laptop?
A:

Frequently Crapped Questions – Part 2

Q: I've heard about "dual booting." What is it?
A: The urge to use both feet to kick your Mac after working in OS X.

Q: I thought Aqua was proprietary? I keep hearing you guys say it's open source.
A: We said "open sore."

Q: What does the "i" stand for in all those i-Apps?
A: Illegible

Q: What's a "Service"?
A: Think of it as going to a restaurant. You go there, choose something from a menu, and you might get something depending on whether the service is good, bad or non-existent.

Q: Why do they call it "Jaguar"?
A: Because of the spotty performance.

Q: Where's the best place to stick the Dock?
A: No. That's just too easy.

Q: How do you know if you're a Crap Settler?
A: Wow, ain't transparency cool!
Q: Yeah!!!
A: Next

Q: My type isn't blurry enough. How can I make it fuzzier?
A: Good to see you too, Markle.

Q: Does "Log Out…" have anything to do with a bodily function?
A: No, despite that constipated feeling one can get in OS X.

Q: How come the icons on the Dock get bigger when I move my mouse over them?
A: They're so exited to see you they're having a growgasm.

Q: What happened to labels?
A: Labeling things is now considered intolerant and judgmental.

Q: What should I do when I'm having trouble in OS X?
A: Prepare Persimmons

Holy crap brother Brad! I didn't think you'd actually go ahead and do any real WORK here. Well done. I'm doubling your salary. LMAO, I need a cigarette after those FCQs.

BTW, the lifting my leg video is way better than my boring walking through the woods video.