[wet] my pants [/wet]

Oh my god, brother yabor. I lost it on
"where's my sock"

yep, we're heading for frequent widgesturbation. Be careful all you twiddlers, if you widgesturbate too much, you'll go blind... hair will grow on your palm pilot.

Tigers are the only cats that really love water. It's just they look so sad and skinny when they're all wet.

Hot Tiger Tips

Feed your Tiger plenty of fresh RAM.
Never bring your Tiger near a shredder
Or other parifernalia related to cat abuse:
Remember, this ‘OS’ thing is a scam.
We suggest you TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER ...
IN A WHOLE NEW WAY! Or chat about shoes.

“Mr Tiger, thank you for speaking to thalo.net. This is indeed a privilege.”
“Not at all, not at all. My pleasure.”
“Your English is remarkably good.”
“Merci, mon ami.”
“You’re welcome. Mr Tiger, what about your stripes?”
“What about them?”
“I don’t see them.”
“If you don’t see them, why bring them up? Are you taking the piss?”
“Most certainly not, I assure you.”
“OK, okay. Forget it. Next question.”
“Mr Tiger, when did you decide that you wanted to become an astronaut?
“I can’t remember.”
“Right, right ... And WHY do you want to become an astronaut?”
“Because people despise me. And then there’s the stalkers. I want to get off’n this fucking planet.”
“People despise you? Surely ...
“They hate me and they despise me.”
“Surely not ALL people? I know for a fact that there are people called X-men who ...”
“Let’s just say: all people who count. I weren’t talking about bloody X-men, was I? Who cares what THEY think? I’m not THAT stupid.”
“I see what you mean. Sorry. Right. So, why are you despised, do you think?”
“Because I suck. Ze Big One. Runs in the family. The entire family. Alas.”
“Do you know that for a fact?”
“I know that for a fact.”
“There’s no cure, no remedy?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“That’s tough. But hey, at least you’re not French. Ha ha. So ... I hear you want to go to Mars?”
“That’s right. Mars rocks.”
“Why’s that?”
“For starters, Mars is cold. No fucking hot-running CPU boiling my brains, no fucking fans needed, that give me a headache.”
“What else?”
“That’s about it. Peace and quiet. No crap-settlers around stalking me.”
“What will you DO on Mars?”
“I want to set up a banana plantation. Live the good life. On the slopes of Mons Olympus. The southern slopes.”
“Very interesting. But not a good idea, I don’t think. The radiation levels alone ... Look here, Mr Tiger, I’m no expert on Mars, and I’m certainly no expert on bananas, but ...
“So shut the fuck up.”
“That’s rude.”
“Rude is goode, sometimes. And I’m no pussy, you know. I’m a fucking TIGER. You don’t want to forget that, mister.”
“Mr Tiger, on behalf of thalo.net I wish you all the best on Mars. Thank you for this conversation.”

“Mr Jobs, thank you for receiving us on such short notice. Thalo.net appreciates it.”
“Always a pleasure to talk to my friends from thalo.net. Call me Steve.”
“The pleasure’s all mine, I’m sure. Brother Steve, word on the street has it that you are in the habit of refering to the Brothership as ‘a bunch of homosexual gangsters’.”
“Who leaked that? Never mind. Yes, that’s true. Does that bother you?”
“Of course not. Just thought I’d mention it. Brother Steve, let’s get down to it. There’s alarming news about Tiger.”
“You refer, of course, to his plans for starting a banana plantation on Mars. I can see how this would alarm the Mac community.”
“Yes. People fear that Tiger won’t be here on the 29th for his coming-out party. They fear he’ll be on Mars instead. Mr Jobs, for the record, will the people of Earth meet Tiger on the 29th of this month?”
“For the record: yes. Apple Legal laid down the law to Tiger. He’ll be there.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Glad we could clear that up. Another scoop for thalo.net, eh? The Brothership’s on the ball.”
“On the beachball!”
“Ha ha ha. You baiter, you.”
“Brother Steve, you’ve got yourself quite an attractive little banana plantation here. Or rather, a big one. I like it. An investment for the future? Is this where Tiger grew up?”
“The plantation’s just a hobby. That got out of hand. This is indeed the place where Tiger grew up.”
“Why bananas, though? Why not apples, for instance? Or even oranges?”
“No comment.”
“Right ... well, I think that covers it. Thanks for talking to us. I know you’re a busy man.”
“Not as busy as you might think, brother, to tell you the truth. Not like in the old days. Right. Give my love to the Brothership. Sayonara. See you round.”

This message has been edited. Last edited by: yabor,

“Brother thalo, finally we meet face to face. I can’t believe I’ve got The Myth standing right in front of me, in the flesh. Love your glasses. Though I hadn’t expected them to be baby blue ... It’s truly an honour, Sir.”
“Yes, I suppose it is. Come in, brother yabor.”
“Brother thalo, on behalf of the entire Brothership I thank you for granting me this interview. So this is your studio. This is the Nerve-Center of thalo.net. Here’s where it all began. Impressive. It’s an indescribable feeling to be standing here. Um, excuse me, could you turn the music down a bit? I can hardly hear myself speak.”
“Will do. Doing some private research on stupid iTunes, you know ... There, is that better?”
“Perfect. Brother thalo, you paint in your spare time, you draw, you make sculptures. You’re a keen fisherman and Master Pistoleer. You’re a sushi chef. You’re an amateur close-up magician. The list goes on. And all to the highest standards. How do you do it?”
“Good question. The answer is, I just do. I do a thing, I get on with it. Unlike a certain stupid OS I could mention.”
“If you don’t mind, Sir, I’d rather not talk about OS X this evening. Just for a change.”
“I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you WANT. No problem.”
“Thank you. That’s quite a collection of paintings you got there on your wall. Your own work?”
“Yes, all painted by me. Not bad, eh? And all for sale, you know. You like ‘em?”
“I sure do. This one here is stunning. Wild colours. So, you’re into abstract painting. I didn’t know that.”
“What do you mean, abstract painting? All my paintings are figurative. That’s a painting of a fish you were admiring. A marlin. 1290 bucks and it's yours. A steal.”
“Of course, of course. Silly of me. I see it now. A marlin. Look, there’s its eye. Stunningly rendered, I might add. Christ, that eye seems to be looking straight into my soul. Quite eery.”
“Actually, my brother, that’s its dorsal fin. Obviously, you don’t have a clue about art. Hey, it happens. Don’t feel bad.”
“I feel ashamed, brother thalo.”
“Don’t. What about this one? It's a bit pricier. I can tell you like it.”
“I do. It’s a painting of ... of a gorilla, isn’t it? ... or isn’t it? A gorilla riding a bicycle? Extraordinary.”
“Close. It’s a portrait of brother Miths playing the harp. Extraordinaire indeed! Hey, sit down. Holland's a rich country, am I right? Tell me, brother yabor, how much money do you make?"
"I'm practically broke, to tell you the truth."
"Are you now, are you now? Gosh, is that the time already? I'll have to go to the gym soon. Hey, you want a beer before you leave?"
“Yes please ... Thank you .... Cheers!
“Cheers! Screw OS X!”
“Indeed. Brother thalo, let me ask you: do you like poetry?”
“Ha ha ha. I saw that one coming, brother yabor. Oh, I love poetry. Couldn’t live without the stuff. Yeah.”
“Who’s your favorite poet?”
“Dickens.”
“Dickens? CHARLES Dickens?”
“Did I say Dickens? Higgins, I mean. Higgins. John Higgins.”
“I happen to know that John Higgins is a famous snooker player. Over in Scotland.”
“Ah, Scotland. The untamed Highlands, the murmling waddaya call’em? Brooks. I’ve always wanted to see the place. I feel drawn to it. I don’t mind telling you, brother yabor, I wish I was there now, fishing. Instead of having to deal with stupid Aqua right here in Next York day after day. X gets me down, let me tell ya. It’s crap. A con job. And you can quote me on that. And now, time's up, my brother. Goodbye, nice meeting you.”
“Brother thalo, thanks again for granting this interview.”

This message has been edited. Last edited by: yabor,

howl.

weep.

it was nice seeing you in person brother yabor. But you forgot to bring me those salty, licoricey salmiak drops from the Netherlands. I want to eat a whole big bag of them while reviewing Tiger, to raise my blood pressure, so my heart frikkin' explodes in my chest, and blood squirts out my tear ducts like twin squirtguns... lmfao.

“Can I take the hood off now? I’m suffocating.”
“By all means.”
“Thanks ... um, this fierce light shining straight into my eyes ... it’s unbearable. I don’t suppose ..?
“Sorry, the lamp stays. Security reasons. I have to protect my secret identity.”
“I understand ... Well, in that case, can I put the hood back on?”
“You have that option.”
“Thank you, brother. OK. Brother MacLash, on behalf of thalo.net I want to thank you for...”
“You’ll have to speak up through that hood. I only hear a mumbling sound.”
“Sorry.... SORRY!
“That’s better. You were saying?”
“ON BEHALF OF THALO.NET I THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING TO ME.”
“A pleasure. Get on with it.”
“BROTHER MACLASH, WHERE WERE YOU BORN?”
“Greyville, South Utopia.”
“IN WHAT YEAR?”
“In 2001. I’ve been on the run ever since. Straight out of the craddle. Hunted by Jobs like a dog. But now my time has come. Any day now, I’ll come out into the open. I’m ready, my troops are ready. Tiger’s for the chop. Viva la revolución, baby!”
“AND THALO.NET WILL HAVE HELPED MAKE YOUR NEW ORDER POSSIBLE. I FEEL PROUD, I DON’T MIND TELLING YOU.”
“You SHOULD feel proud. Of course, after my coup, you’ll see some refreshing changes made at thalo.net. I’ll clean the place up for you. A purge. No more crap-settlers or crypto X-men will be allowed in. Filthy traitors. I have plans for that lot.”
“WHAT PLANS?”
“Traitors are for the chop.”
“I RATHER THINK BROTHER THALO WOULD OBJECT TO THAT. IN FACT I’M SURE HE WILL.”
“Are you now? You’re not a crypto X-man yourself, by any chance, comrade, I mean brother, yabor? I'm starting to wonder.”
“I ... I’M NO TRAITOR ... BUT ....”
“But?”
“BUT NOTHING, BROTHER MACLASH. SIR, I THINK I WANT TO LEAVE NOW. BROTHER. SIR.”
“So soon? Are you sure? How about a drink first? Come, have a drink with me. Have a glass of aqua.”
“WELL, I *AM* THIRSTY ... MAYBE JUST ONE GL... NO NO NO NO NO, I DON’T DRINK AQUA, COMRADE MACLASH, I MEAN BROTHER MACLASH. NEVER TOUCH THE STUFF. NEVER.”
“Hmm. OK. So bugger off then. Guards! Escort our friend here to the surface. --I’ll keep my eye on you, brother yabor. Tread carefully. You can keep the hood as a souvenir.”
“THANK YOU, BROTHER MACLASH, AND THANKS FOR THIS INTERVIEW.”

This message has been edited. Last edited by: yabor,

Keep the Faith

“Brother Jesus, welcome back to Earth, and welcome to THALO.net!”
“What’s up, wise guys?”
“Habemus Aquam!”
“Not good.”
“And Marketeers have taken over the Temple.”
“Christ.”
“Will you help us?”
“You bet.”
“What will you do?”
“Walk all over it. And kick them out.”
“Amen.”

Come shop at the Apple Store

Come shop at us and spread the love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That Aqua, Quartz, and Spotlight’s field,
And all our dazzling widgets yield.

Get out of bed and find your socks,
Trot to our Apple stores in flocks,
Where you may stare at spinning balls
While Barbie Girls sing madrigals.

There do we sell both mirrors and smoke,
And tons of shit designed to choke;
A vat of snake oil, and a sweater
That will get wet in any weather;

A cane made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty chimps we pull;
And metal diapers for the cold,
With flashy buckles that look old;

A belt of straw and gumdrop buds,
With crystal clasps and see-through studs;
And if these products may thee move,
Come shop at us, and spread the love.

A slab of out-moused tiger meat
As precious as top dogs do eat,
Shall on a blue-striped table be,
Pressed into a DVD.

Our unix geeks shall boast and bark,
And treat thee like a clueless mark:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then shop at us and spread the love.

(Christopher Marlowe)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: yabor,

A little Mac

A happy user I might have been
Two dozen years from now
To preach upon ease of use
And watch my Apple grow;

But born, alas, in an evil time,
I missed that pleasant haven,
For the Mac has grown past its prime
And the iUsers are all clean-shaven.

And later still the times were good,
With Classic we were easy to please,
We iTunes'd our troubled thoughts to sleep
Paid for upgrades no one needs.

All ignorant we dared to trust
The joys we let be dissembled;
The CEO on the Apple board
Could make our enemies tremble.

But control strips and item labels,
Not stripes but a shade of gray,
Outlines, when resizing windows,
All these are gone today.

It is forbidden to dream again;
We maim our Docks or hide them:
Windows are made of brushed steel
And little fat men shall demo them.

I am the worm without an Apple,
The UNIX without a keyboard;
Between the GUI and the CLI
I work for Pixar's lord.

And the keynote is telling my fortune
While the webcast plays,
But Steve Jobs has promised an OS Eleven,
For Macheads always pay.

I dreamt I had the perfect Mac,
And woke to find it true;
I wasn’t born for an age like this;
Was Brad? Was Thalo? Were you?

- George Orwell (1936)
A Little Poem

Stevie and the X-Men

Standing up to his crotch in Aqua
Steve brandished a Feline Banana;
We X-Men wolfed it down like cake,
And lined up for a GoGurt Shake.

Steve has no time for any fan
Who will not eat the turd called X;
We drank a bowl of blue-rinsed piss,
Licked our lips, and blew a kiss.

After reading up on sharks
Steve put us down as clueless marks;
X is a prop, but that’s OK:
We’ll pay. And pay. And pay. And pay.

You X-y Thing
[Sung to the Tune of You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate]

I believe in miracles
What's your con
You X-y thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along
You X-y thing

Miracles right before my eyes
You X-y thing got me hypnotised
Don't stop what ya' doing
What ya' doing to me
My eye candy from above lying X to me
How did ya' know that I'd be the one
Been a long time coming only just begun
Doing all the things that makes my heart sing
Keep doing what you're doing you X-y thing

How did ya' know I needed you so badly
How did ya' know I gave my heart gladly
Yesterday I was one of a lonely people
Now you're lying X to me
Making believe to me

I believe in miracles
What's your con
You X-y thing
You X-y thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along
You X-y thing

Only yesterday I was on my own
Just another day later my mind was blown
You X-y thing come into my life
Forever and a day it feels so right
How did ya' know that I'd be the one
Been a long time coming only just begun
Doing all the things that makes my heart sing
Keep doing what you're doing you X-y thing

How did ya' know I needed you so badly
How did ya' know I gave my heart gladly
Yesterday I was one of a lonely people
Now you're lying X to me
Making believe to me

I believe in miracles
Where you from
You X-y thing
You X-y thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along
You X-y thing

Cheat me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Fool me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Cheat me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Fool me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Cheat me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Fool me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Cheat me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

Fool me baby
You X-y thing
You X-y thing

You X-y thing

What if Jobs Was One of Us
[Sung to the tune of What if God Was One of Us by Joan Osborne]

If Jobs had a game what would it be?
And would you call him on it to his face?
If you were faced with him
In all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, Jobs is great
Yeah, yeah, Jobs is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if Jobs was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a user of the OS
Trying to get his work done

If Jobs had a face what would it look like?
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that
you would have to believe
in things like Dashboard and in Spotlight and the dock
and all the propaganda

Yeah, yeah, Jobs is great
Yeah, yeah, Jobs is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if Jobs was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a user of the OS
Trying to get his work done
Just trying to get his work done
Back at infinite loop all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
'cept the new Pope maybe in Rome

Yeah, yeah, Jobs is great
Yeah, yeah, Jobs is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if Jobs was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a user of the OS
Trying to get his work done
Like an older rolling stone
Back at infinite loop all alone
Just trying to get his work done
Nobody calling on the phone
'cept the new Pope maybe in Rome

This message has been edited. Last edited by: thalo,

April 29, 2005

“Good afternoon, my name’s Brother yabor and I want that turd splash I saw; I want it now.”

“I think you mean you want to purchase a copy of Tiger, sir.”

“Do I? Whatever.”

“Smart move, sir. Have you been advised of your rights pursuant to MirandaX?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Then let me advise you that you have the right to crap-settle, and that any complaint you make can and will be dismissed as ‘trolling’ in Apple Delusions and other Apologist forums. You have the right to buy a G5, and to listen to iTunes 24 hours a day. If you’re too mean to buy a G5, Tiger will, among other reprisals, not perform the turd-splash effect in Dashboard for you. Do you understand those rights?”

“I suppose so.”

“Yes or no, sir.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Splendid. Sign here please .... Thank you.”

“Hey, I’d better buy a G5 as well, then.”

“Indeed sir, indeed. That’s the spirit we like to see. Tiger will appreciate it. Look, this is our top of the line model. Between you and me, sir, you’d better let me fill it to the brim with RAM for you; Tiger would really appreciate it -- costs a bit extra I’m afraid.”

“I want what’s best for Tiger's turd splash.”

“That’s the spirit, sir. OK, let me see, that’s ... a huge amount of dollars .... Thank you, nice doing business with you. Enjoy your turd splash.”

“Likewise. You’ve been very helpful. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye sir. Come again.”

This message has been edited. Last edited by: yabor,

Once upon a time ...

... in the castle of Seabiscuit Mother Thalo waxed daily greater and greater. So it befell after within half a year, as Father Thalo lay by his wife, he asked her, by the faith she owed to him, whose was the child within her body; then she sore abashed to give answer.

Dismay you not, said Father Thalo, but tell me the truth, and I shall love you the better. Be not in denial.

Sir, said she, I shall tell you the truth. The same night that my lord was out fishing, as I now know, there came into our castle of Seabiscuit a man like my lord in speech and in countenance, and so I went unto bed with him as I ought to do with my lord, and the same night, as I shall answer unto God, this child was begotten upon me.

That is truth, said Father Thalo, as ye say; for it was King MacLash himself that came in my likeness, and therefore dismay you not, for I am happy to know King Maclash is father of the child; and there he told her all the cause, how it was by Merlin's counsel. Then mother Thalo made great joy when she knew who was the father of her child.

Soon came Merlin unto Father Thalo, and said, Sir, ye must purvey you for the nourishing of the child. As thou wilt, said father Thalo, be it. Well, said Merlin, I shall nourish it and I shall teach it. So the child was delivered by Mother Thalo and, bound in a cloth of platinum, delivered unto Merlin, and so he named him Thalo.

He that shall pull the sword Xcalibur out of the hard quartz, said Merlin, as he looked at baby Thalo calmly waving his fists, lying in his cradle designed by Sir Jonathan Ive in the minimalist way, he shall be king, for so it is meant to be. And then Merlin spoke doom over the Drowned GUI. And then Merlin shook both his fists high in the air and cried: Lezzizzmor! Lezzizzmor! Lezzz Izzz Zmor!

Many years later, at the feast of Cupertino all manner of men assayed to pull at the sword Xcalibur that would assay; but none might prevail but Thalo, and pulled it out of the rock of extreme quartz easily afore all the geeks and marketeers that were there, wherefore all the Faithful cried at once, “We will have Thalo unto our king, for we all see that it is God's will that he shall be our king, and who that holdeth against it, we will slay him.”

Many geeks were wroth, and they poured the Cheetos dust over their heads in dismay, and they said it was great shame unto them all and the realm, to be overgoverned with a mere pro of no high blood born. But therewithal Sir Ricox and his X-Men kneeled at once, and cried Thalo mercy because they had crap-settled for so long, and Thalo forgave them, and took the sword into both his fists, and offered it upon the altar where Archbishop Nelson was, and so was he made knight of the best man that was there. And so anon was the coronation made on april 29. And there was he sworn to be a true king, to stand with true pro power from thenceforth the days of this life.

Also then he made all lurkers that held of Thalonet to come in, and to do service as they ought to do, and with them was Sir Darr of Egget. And many complaints were made unto Sir Thalo of great wrongs that were done since the cruel slaying of King Ahig, of many pros that suffered without good tools, and driven to distraction by rainbow balls. Wherefore King Thalo made the rainbow balls to be given again unto lord Crapple who owned them; who was then banished.

When this was done, that the king had vanished all the rainbow balls about Macland, then he assembled around him his brothers and knights; and he let make Sir Trifid seneschal of all Finder; and Sir Guy Hopes was made constable; and Sir John Kew was made embassador to the realm of the Thai; and Sir Mark El was made chief justice; and Sir Hamburg was made fontmaker.

Within few months after Thalo won all Macland, Lord Turdsplash, a digibaron, held against Thalo with widgets, but he overcame him, as he did Lord Hugh “Server” Knicks of Opensor, through the noble prowess of himself and his knights of the Sound Desktop.

And Macland prospered again and there was workflow again in Macland and all was well.

(Sir Thomas Malory, 1470)

Noah In 2005

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, and said, "Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

The Lord said, "Build another Ark, and save two of every living thing, along with a few good people."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I start the rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

"Yes, Lord," said Noah.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard...but no Ark.

"NOAH!!" he roared. "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim I've violated the zoning laws by building an Ark in my yard and exceeding the height restrictions.

"We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the path for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that wouldn't be necessary, that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that if I got the wood I would save the owls myself, but no go.

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission about how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Plus, the trade unions say I can't use my sons, I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience and seniority.

"The Department of Homeland Security insisted that I install expensive equipment and hire inspectors to screen the human passengers that would be boarding the ship. The Interstate Commerce Commission said that I was a Common Carrier and had to take all comers, without picking and choosing.

"When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They claimed I would be confining wild animals in inhumane conditions in spaces that were too small for them. And then the Justice Department indicted me for illegal possession of endangered species.

"So forgive me, Lord, but it would take me at least ten years to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The world's been punished enough."

quote:

Then let me advise you that you have the right to crap-settle, and that any complaint you make can and will be dismissed as ‘trolling’ in Apple Delusions and other Apologist forums. You have the right to buy a G5, and to listen to iTunes 24 hours a day. If you’re too mean to buy a G5, Tiger will, among other reprisals, not perform the turd-splash effect in Dashboard for you.

Good stuff, yabor! A new burst of inspiration the last few days!


Markle

Thanks, counselor. I'm glad to see you're quite active yourself, these days.

New Homepage

You look smashing, Tiger, Tiger,
Love thy widgets green and red;
Yet bro thalo is complaining,
Anal wailer, wailing mad.

Thy slick Dashboard is so New Age,
Tiger, Tiger, strong and fair!
Thalo put it on his homepage,
Dunked a turd and left it there.

Down thy Finder, Tiger, Tiger,
Thalo’s spirit wanders mad,
Ranting about bloat and pro-use,
Tiger, Tiger, ain’t it sad?

(Sir Henry Newbolt)

.
It occurred to me that I'm not sure of the originality requirement for this thread. A couple of times I have posted things written by others just because they were good. The Noah thing is about 25% mine; I rewrote and expanded a piece that was sent to me.

Just for the record.

Markle

Tiger preview

Tiger, the Chimp’s banquet, obstacle race,
Year of the Turd, the Wrong Way, a pest,
Bogus, superabundant, an insult in paraphrase,
Marketeers’ manna, a con-job of the best;

Engine against the AHIGs, Widget Hell,
Happy Horseshit, slowmo, Twiddler’s Paradise,
Bèta spiral, Aqua shower, Bates Motel,
Ultra über super, Geeks’ Tower, pubic lice.

(George Herbert)