[This song is most definitely dedicated to Max and SR.]

I bet you you can't post this song on the Apple forum
I bet you it won't stay for very (bleep)ing long
It's just that those (bleep)tards are (bleep)ing thought Nazis
They think (bleep)ing sun shines from Apple's own bung

You can't (bleep) Aqua on the Apple forum
Or say it's bull(bleep) and a con
You can't even say stripes are a (bleep)ing disgrace
Unless you're a zealot with a very brown tongue

So I bet you you can't post this song on the Apple forum
I bet you they (bleep)ing just can't take a jest
I bet you their (bleep)ing Apple forum director
Will trash it like Jobs trashed the (bleep)ing OS

My iMac, now that noises cease,
Is all that does not hold its peace;
Jaguar's blue piss murmers by,
And here are night and hell and I.

Who made OS X I cannot tell;
'Tis made and here am I in hell.
My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
I never soiled with such a deed.

And so, no doubt, in time gone by,
Some have suffered more than I,
Who only swallows down NeXTStep
And strike my fist upon the crap.

(A.E. Housman)

Bloat, a blear, to see unclear
Pray, a drop of less is more
Be, OS, was less a mess
Gah!!! It's dressed up like a whore
Woe, this thing is overfed
Raw, the UI is just so
Pee, on Aqua's little head
That will bring us back to bloat

[If you can think of a funny name for "Rodgers and Hammerstein" you're a better man than I.]

Kurt speaks

"With the hopes that our Forum is build on
The Mac Faithful were out of touch.
They denied that Aqua was Stilton;
They denied it was even Dutch.
They denied that Wishes were Jaguars;
They denied that a Pig had Wings.
So we worshipped the Gods down at Apple
Who promised these beautiful things."

(Kipling)

The Aqua

She Aqua has her striped enclaves,
Cheep, loud and overblown;
Though they be the blurry of the knaves,
Beneath them there is con.
The awful harlots of the cheep
Sold their guidelines there;
And there are those for whom we seek,
The less, the tight, the clear.

Come, worthy Nine, Platinum, come,
Possess this mac with me:
Jaggy's bloat and blur are troublesome,
And here we may be free.

Here may we sit and view their toil
That twiddle with the candy,
And get some real work done meanwhile,
And spend the night quite randy.

(Samuel Daniel)

Macnext

Take O take those stripes away
That so easily are forsworn,
And those menus, a disgrace
Transparencies as in soft porn;
But the AHIGs bring again, bring again
Seals of love, but sealed in vain, sealed in vain.

(Shakespeare)

A turtlenecked brother of thalo
Said:"There is one thing I do know:
A woman is fine
And a boy is divine
But a jaguar is numero uno."

(Robert Conquest)

When the blur hits your eye like a big cheesy lie
That's crappola
When you can read the screen 'cause the text is unclean
That's crappola

I was just checking to see if the Google crawlers had found thalo.net yet. Well, they found something more interesting:

Thalo Wilks is an average working wife, living in New York, when she discovers her husband has imported an under-aged Korean prostitute and set her up in an expensive apartment.

To work with Jaguar it takes an Aqua and one CLI,
One Aqua, and a CLI,
And drudgery.
The drudgery alone will do,
If CLIs are few.

(Emily Dockiscon)

Booted in X

My Jaguar around me night and day
Like a wild beast blocks my way;
My Thaloation far within
Weeps incessantly for my sin.

A fathomless and blurry deep
There I wander, there I weep;
Locked down in the aqua grind
I sense my Jaguar close behind.

When will Steve return and view
Our Nine, and her to life renew?
When will Steve return and live?
When will Steve pity as we forgive?

(Blake)

Hear the voice of Brad,
Who present, past, and future sees;
Whose ears have heard
Thalo's Holy Word
That walked among Nine's enemies,

Calling Platinum's soul
And cursing in the evening dew;
That might control
The AHIG pole,
And fallen, fallen Steve renew.

(Blake)

I LOVE that one, Jan.

In Settler's fields the dockies bounce
Between the stripes, row on row,
That mark disgrace; and in the fight
The sharks, still brave critiquing, cry
Scarce heard amid the squelch below

I keep a close watch on this paradigm
I keep my eyes wide open for GUI crime
I'd paint them all out if I had the time
I'm nearly blind, with Aqua lines

I find the menus easy to see through
I find myself reading things I don't need to
Yes I'll admit that it's really really cool
But I'm nearly blind, with Aqua lines

As sure as text is soft and soft is shite
I keep the monitor set to contrast high
And still I can't read half of what's in sight
I'm nearly blind, with Aqua lines

There's no way that I'll keep you on my drive
You give me cause for hate that I can't hide
For you I know I'd be driven to GUI-cide
I'm nearly blind, with Aqua lines

(Johnny Crap)

Song

Wandering, wandering, hoping to find
A nice new mac to please my mind,
Smooth to the touch, the OS brand-new
An Ive-made asylum from NeXT's range.

And finding instead the harsh ways
Of Aqua's ruinous fonts and slow brain;
The Finder's amnesia and silly look;
The crippled jaguar and its pain.

(R.S. Thomas)

(June 6 is approaching.)


Fighting settlers from online
Fearless men who bait and jibe
Guys who give as well as get
The brave men of thalo-net

Platinum wings on their mouse pads
These are critics, with iron nads
One hundred men will post today
But only three win the Gray Beret

Trained to feed off X-Men hope
Trained in sparring, rope-a-dope
Men who fight for Platinum gray
Sure to puke at a bluish shade

Platinum wings on their mouse pads
These are critics, with iron nads
One hundred men will post today
But only three win the Gray Beret

Back at home Steve digs a grave
A proud OS has met its fate
It has died from those from NeXT
Leading us on our holy quest

"Put Platinum things in my OS
Make it one of Apple's best
Give it a manly nobler shade
Make it worthy of the Gray Beret"

Thalo.net

Stone, steel, dominions pass,
Operating Systems too, no wonder;
But Steve, please lose the crap
That Nine is under.

The knots we brothers tie
Are not tied to sever;
Here shall the AHIGs lie,
Un-cool forever.

(Housman)

My last one sucked, I think.

OS X? Abort! abort!
Those fonts are a disgrace,
The Finder is a limping dog,
Stripes all over the place:
Aqua is a con - in short:
The Mac's all gone to cock;
But when all is said and done
I kinda like the dock.

quote:

---

My last one sucked, I think.

---

Remember: There are no wrong answers here.

----

Through early morning blog I read
Nightmares of the things to be
The gains of 9 withheld from me
I realize and I can see…

That GUI-cide is painless
It brings on useless changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.

They say the life of 9 was lame
I ought to choose X anyway
The losing side is Copland's gray
But this is all I have to say…

That GUI-cide is painless
It brings on useless changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.