QUARKXPRESS

You may work all sharp and fine
When you're booted into 9,
An' you needn't have a thing to do with text grep;
But come the New Chataqua
You'll be forced to boot in Aqua,
An' you'll curse the bloomin' corpse of OS NextStep.
Missing Plat'num's subtle themes
(You still live there in your dreams),
A-kernin' type and fixin' galley messes,
The only port to Cocoa
late enough to drive you loco
Is the still-not-ready one of QuarkXPress's.
For it's "Quark! Quark! Quark!
You limpin' dog in Classic, QuarkXPress!
Hi! bloated witch of widget!
Aqua, boot it! Watch 'em fidget!
You Faithful Pros' old idol, QuarkXPress."

—Dudyard Kipling

Oh.....it's just a ploy to encourage more of this from you, Brad. Something tells me I'm gonna be successful.

[This message was edited by SnobbyRobby on Tue May 27 2003 at 12:08 AM.]

LMAO....So hilariously morbid, 9pointer

"The Mac Faithful are starving, King Steven.
They long for Platinum steak"
Said King Steven: "Let them eat
Anti-aliased cake."


HAIKU
OS X rises, OS X sets.
Slowly the old X-man counts his beachballs.

quote:

---

Oh.....it's just a ploy

---

All I could come up with was a lame haiku. Not enough naughty words rhyme with "Rob", and the one's that do aren't very, shall we say, complimentary.

Snobby Roberto
Holy crap, did he say that?
First amendment winks

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Brad Nelson:
_My name is Jan, pronounced yan._

Okay. I'm going to assume it works the same way in German. No short A's.


Thanks Brad for the very fine limerick.
The a is in fact short (as one short visit to your local Dutch embassy would have allowed you to establish ) - but no matter of course.
Thanks again.

Okay. I'm going to assume it works the same way in German. No short A's.

Ooops. So, it doesn't rhyme with "yawn" or "fawn", right? Anyway, I found a song that was the lazy man's dream. I needed to change only one word:

I believe in miracles, where you from?
You NeXTy thing (you NeXTy thing-you)
I believe in miracles, since you came along
You NeXTy thing.

Where did you come from baby?
How did you know I needed you?
How did you know I needed you so badly?
How did you know I'd give my heart gladly?
Yesterday I was one of the lonely people

Now you're lying close to me givin' it to me.

Hey, 9point5, you're sick, but it's good to have you back again. You can kind of fill in the blanks from there.

Monster Crash

I was working on my Mac late one night
When my eyes beheld a foreign sight
A monster of text filled the whole screen high
And suddenly the whole OS died

(It was a crash)
It was a monster crash
(A monster crash)
It left the kernel smashed
(A monster crash)
Couldn't empty the trash
(It did the crash)
It did the monster crash

To the Apple Store I took the dead beast
To the Genius guy who took a look underneath
A ghoulish look came staring down his nose
"No can help dude, it's solid froze"

(It was a crash)
It was a monster crash
(A monster crash)
It left the kernel smashed
(A monster crash)
This never happened in the past
(It did the crash)
It did the monster crash

The Mac kept locking, it didn't look too sound
So I packed my bags and was Macworld bound
Looking for help, but no one gave a hoot
They were all near the stage licking Jobs' boot

(It was a crash)
It was a monster crash
(A monster crash)
It left the kernel smashed
(A monster crash)
Couldn't even use bash
(It did the crash)
It did the monster crash

Over OS 9's coffin Stevie's voice did ring
Seems he was still pushin' this OS X thing
I opened my mouth and shook a fist and said
"Whatever happened to a simple fuckin' bomb, twit?"

(It was a crash)
It was a monster crash
(A monster crash)
It left the kernel smashed
(A monster crash)
Why'd I buy this crap?
(It did the crash)
It did the monster crash

Now everything's cool, my Mac's feelin' grand
And my monster crash is permanently banned
Unix and Aqua are forever in the bin
When you reboot my Mac you'll get the OS 9 grin

(It was a crash)
It was a monster crash
(A monster crash)
It left the kernel smashed
(A monster crash)
It's now all in the past
(It did the crash)
It did the monster crash...

Double post

Ditto.

Jaguar, hither come
And tune your merry notes;
And while within the mac
Your aqua floats
I'll pore upon the stream
Where sighing X-men dream,
And fish for updates as they pass
Within the watery glass.

(Blake)

OS X Panther

Tightly-coded bud,
I have wished you something
Few of the X-lovers would:
Not the usual stuff
About being beautiful,
Or running off a spring
Of XP-killing and i-Apps -
They will all wish you that,
And should it prove possible,
Well, you're a lucky OS.

But if it shouldn't, then
May you be ordinary;
Have, like Platinum had,
User-friendly talents:
Not ugly, not cool-looking,
Nothing in you GUI
To pull you off your balance,
That, unworkable itself,
Stops all the rest from working.
In fact, may you be dull -
If that is what a skilled,
Vigilant, flexible,
Unemphasised, enthralled
Catching of macness is called.

(Philip Larkin)

Those are great, Jan. You're bringing much too much culture to this thread so let me see if I can bring it down a notch.


When Der Blurer says, "We won the OS race"
We HEIL! (brppt) HEIL! (brppt) Right in Der Blurer's face
Got to love Der Blurer on der Macworld stage
So we HEIL! (brppt) HEIL! (brppt) Right in Der Blurer's face

When Herr Schiller says, "We own der cyberspace"
We HEIL! (brppt) HEIL! (brppt) Right in Herr Schiller's face
When Herr Anderson says "We'll double our marketplace"
We HEIL! (brppt) HEIL! (brppt) Right in Herr Anderson's face

Is not X just super, man?
Purely cool, purely rad?
Ja der X is super, man
Super-duper say X-men
Ist this NeXTi land not good?
Would you boot it if you could?
Ja this NeXTi land is good!
Vee would boot it if we could

We bring the Aqua water
St. Steven's switcher fodder
Every one in MS space will love Der Blurer's waste
When we bring to der world this hogger

When Der Blurer says, "We won the OS race"
We HEIL! (brppt) HEIL! (brppt) Right in Der Blurer's face
Got to love Der Blurer on der Macworld stage
So we HEIL! (brppt) HEIL! (brppt) Right in Der Blurer's face

If I shouldn't be on-line
When the Moderators come,
Give the one called Nelson, Brad
A cultural crumb.

If I couldn't thank you,
Jaguar running amok,
You will know I'm trying
With my bouncing dock.

(Emily Dickinson)

quote:

---

(Emily Dickinson)

---

You mean Emily Dockinson, of course.

Elegy

Down your finder, Platinum, Platinum,
Down your finder grey and sad,
Still your spirit wanders wailing,
Wanders wailing, wanders mad.

Long ago the NeXT mob killed you,
Platinum, Platinum, grey and fair,
Spoilers strong in aqua took you,
Broke your heart and left you there.

Down your finder, Platinum, Platinum,
Still the AHIGs wander mad;
All too late I found and love you,
Platinum, Platinum, grey and sad.

(Sir Henry Newbloat)

It is a truth cupertinally acknowledged, that a crap-filled mac in possession of a broken-down Finder, must be in want of piles.
(Jane Austen, Panther and Prejudice)

quote:

---

Down your finder, Platinum, Platinum

---

Out-friggin'-standing. I wasn't familiar with that poem but when I found out it was about Ireland, well, I needed to grab my hanky.

quote:

---

(Sir Henry Newbloat)

---

And the perfect ending.

Listen Mac Faithful and you shall hear
The bellow of thalo in your ear
On interface guidelines and 9.1;
Hardly a digikid's having fun
Who remembers that OS of yesteryear.

He said to his friends, "If the Unix geeks
From Next prevail in the OS fight,
And dumb down the GUI with widget tweaks
Till a folder is closed with a traffic light:
1) they'll lose share, and 2) they'll lose me;
Then I on the bully pulpit will be,
Ready to post and spread the alarm
Through every Macintosh feedback forum,
Till the Faithful mass and regain the quorum."

Then he said "Let's fight!" and with canine roar
Loudly declared his own OS war;
And when Apple released the Public Beta,
Thalo said, "Who the hell would pay ta
Run this Happy Horsesh*t crap?"
The Pros got stuck on the upgrade map
While Classic broke their favorite app,
And Aqua, bloated with eye-candy schlock,
Had no Quark icon to bounce in the dock.

etc.

Henry Moneysworth Longbellow