Nine's a grey and sunless place:
No Quartz to stun us and amaze.
Now therefore, while the aqua hue
Fills the screen like sticky dew,

And while Jaggy provides his palls
With free upgrades and rainbow-balls,
Now let's grab iLife while we may,
And now, like amorous beasts of prey,

Rather at once our candy devour
Than mourn the loss of user-power.
Let us roll our unix strength and all
Our gigs of RAM up into one ball,

And tear our pleasures, as Critics whine,
Through the platinum gates of Nine:
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

(Andrew Marvell)

[This message was edited by yabor on Fri August 01 2003 at 03:05 PM.]

The Railway Junction

From here through Pantherville the track
Forks into two; and one of these
Wheels toward XP instead of Mac,
And one toward aqua seas.

Dockies bounce; the traffic lights
Vomit colour over the scene;
An i-tune plays; AHIGs there are none,
Nor pro user to be seen -

Where late there was a throng. And now,
The last pro in X, I sit alone;
Though soon, at the appointed hour,
I shall myself be gone.

(Walter de la Mare)

All in the Family

Boy, the Macs young Stevie made,
(Today he tops the Shitparade)
Pros like us we had it made,
Those were the days.

MacLash

Brother from the wars returning,
Spoiler of Cupertino town,
Ye have freed Nine from her coffin;
Boot her up and sit you down.

Peace is come and wars are over,
Welcome you and welcome all,
While the thalo sips a cold beer
And his sword hangs on the wall.

Now no more of X-men biting,
Blur and bloat from fall till spring,
Summers full of sweat and fighting
Against the Crapple King.

Rust you, pro sword, rest you, website;
Pros and newbies, seize the day;
Brother, sit you down a Knight
Of Less-is-More for aye.

(Housman)

The Gift

A G5 was sent by thalo (a Jon Ive fan)
To me, God knows, deserving no such thing:
Comforting smell breathed at very booting,
Grated fresh, as I suppose, off some Parmezan.

That cheesy air made this computer a hood
All over, as a bevy of easter eggs the mothering wing
Will, or mild nights the apple blossom of Spring :
Why, it seemed of course; seemed of right it should.

Lovely the anodized aluminium alloy enclosure,
All the detail things wear that build Apple hardware;
Only the OS does not correspond:

Steve, lover of cats, drenched in sloth and moisture,
Deliver Ive's creation from candy and fanfare,
Being mighty a CEO, being Mac's father and fond.

(Diehard Mackie Hopkins)

[This message was edited by yabor on Thu August 07 2003 at 09:00 AM.]

[This message was edited by yabor on Thu August 07 2003 at 09:08 AM.]

Cupertinesque

Down stucco sidestreets,
Where light is pewter
And aqua-filled mist
Brings lights on in shops
Above X-guides and horror comics,
A funeral passes.

The hearse is ahead,
But after there follows
A troop of thalo.nutters
In wide unstriped hats,
Leg-of-panther sleeves,
And ankle-length dresses.

There is an air of great friendliness,
As if they were honouring
One they were fond of;
Some caper a few steps,
iPods held skilfully
(Someone claps time),

And of great sadness also.
As they wend away
A voice is heard singing
Of Lizzy, or Leg'cy,
As if the name meant once
All love, all beauty.

(Philip Larkin)

I work in X all day, and boot into 9 at night.
Surfing at four to MacWorld, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting Panther, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when 9 shall finally die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of seeing the Mac dying and dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a mock coffin, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape,
Yet can't accept. NeXTCrap won't go.
Meanwhile X-men crouch, getting ready to sing
In OS X forums, and all the uncaring
Intricate Windows world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Crap-settling has to be done.
Unsanity updates Mighty Mouse.

(Larkin)

brother yabor, that is some hot DAMN pretty silly. You da bard, baby... you da bard.

Pit of Mire

Crap, is a blurry thing
And it makes my eyeballs sting
Crowned by wild denial
Macs fell into a pit of mire

Macs fell into a blurry pit of mire
They went down, down, down
Though the stripes got lighter

And it's blurred, blurred, blurred
This pit of mire
This pit of mire

The look of Aqua's cheap
Brain farts of the geeky l33t
I'd throw it on a pyre
Oh, but this crap's hard wired

Macs fell into a blurry pit of mire
They went down, down, down
Though the stripes got lighter

And it's blurred, blurred, blurred
This pit of mire
This pit of mire

(Johnny Crap)

The Critics of the Frontier

Pros, Vandals, Newbies, Isaurian unix geeks,
Serving Apple in this thalo.net brotherhood,
We can know little (as we care little)
Of the Metropolis: her NeXTStep churches,
Her blue-gowned soft-headed boardmembers,
The cut-throat factions of her Dockiedrome,
The eunuchs of her software saloons.

Here is the frontier, here our site and place -
Beans for members, fodder for lurkers,
And Thaloan arms. Enough. He who among us
At full gallop, the bowstring to his ear,
Lets drive his platinum arrows, to sink
Stinging through aqua desktops candy-coated,
Then follows with the lance - he has our love.

In NeXT's church there is no macness nor truth,
Nor AHIGs anywhere in Finder or core.
That we continue watchful on the rampart
Concerns no X-priest. A smiling silken macface
Puffed by the wind, suffices us for God.
We, not Cupertino, are the Empire's soul:
A rotten tree lives only in its rind.

(Robert Graves)

Forever In Blue Things
(Real Crime-man)

Bullshit walks
If it don't bring advance
Then it's a crock
Long as I still have this blur with me
I'd rather not be
Forever in blue things

Eye candy's neat
But it ain't nothin' next to HIGs
And 'cause they bother me
I'd like to stay
In Platinum gray
Not forever in blue things

Hate it, goodbye
Hate it, goodbye, let it die
Throw a bone to us guys
Nothing unsound
Let's not drown, it's an art
The U.I.

Bullshit walks
If it don't bring advance
Then it's a crock
Long as I still have this blur with me
I'd rather not be
Forever in blue things

Eye candy's neat
But it ain't nothin' next to HIGs
And 'cause they bother me
I'd like to stay
In Platinum gray
Not forever in blue things

Thalo
(Real Crime-man)

Young X-Man’s dreams
Dream ev’ry dream on your Macs
When NeXTies play
Seems like you end up with crap

Stevie says he’d love to take feedback
If he had the time
So you turn on the only critic you can find
There in your mind

Thalo, when I was Jobbed
I used to curse your name
When on one else was strong
Thalo, you always flamed
And we stayed

[I’ve been dying to do this one for the longest time but could never find the right lyrics. I can’t finish the second verse. I’m laughing too hard – Jan?]

Craplin' OS
Nail Demon

Craplin' OS, get on board
We're gonna ride till there ain't no more to go
Taking it slow
Lord, don't you know
Have me a time with a geek man's lame CLI

Hitchin' on a unix train
Ain't nothing there that I care to take along
Maybe a song
To play when I want
Don't need to say please it's 99¢ for a happy tune

Oh, I loathe NeXT's OS child
Bloat got the way to make work crappy
Jag and me, we go sans style
Craplin' OS you're a store-bought beta
You make me scream like a gay taskbar hater
So hang on to me, geek
Our rant keeps runnin' on

Bait it now
Bait it now
Bait it now, my brothers

Craplin' OS, make me cry
God if it lasts for an hour, that's my fear
It's been three years
To set the world right
X-Men got a dream that and ask no questions, yeah

Oh, I loathe NeXT's OS child
Bloat got the way to make work crappy
Jag and me, we go sans style
Craplin' OS you're a store-bought beta
You make me scream like a gay taskbar hater
So hang on to me, geek
Our rant keeps runnin' on

Bait it now
Bait it now
Bait it now, my brothers

Craplin' OS, make me cry
God if it lasts for an hour, that's my fear
It's been three years
To set the world right
X-Men got a dream and don't ask no questions, yeah

quote:

---

Craplin' OS

---

I got only that far before I lost it.

quote:

---

Craplin' OS you're a store-bought beta

---

God, that's funny. I'm taking bribes now NOT to do September Morn', one of the worst songs of all time as far as I'm concerned.

X, will be a pro-OS...soon


I love X so much, can't count all the ways
X's worked for me now and all they can say is
"X ain't for our kind"
They never get tired of putting X down
And I'll never know when I come around
What I'm gonna find
X-critics won't make up my mind.
Don't you know...

X, will be a pro-OS soon,
Please, boot up my Mac
X, will be a pro-OS soon,
Soon, I won't be a hack

X's been misunderstood for all of its life
But what they're saying it cuts like a knife
"The OS is no good"
Well I've finally found what I'm a looking for
But if they get their chance they'll end it for sure
Surely would
Steve, I've done all I could
Now it's up to you...

X, will be a pro-OS soon,
Please, boot up my Mac
X, will be a pro-OS soon,
Soon, I won't be a hack

X, will be a pro-OS soon,
Please, boot up my Mac
X, will be a pro-OS soon,
Soon but soon, the pros will be back

All Fragged Up
(Definitely the fat Elvis)

Uh well I lost my prefs
What's up with that?
Drive's wailin' like a banshee with a heart attack
My friends say the swapin's why it's a slug
I'm in mud
I'm all fragged up
Mm mm, oh no, god damn

My drives are shakin' and my memory leaks
They can't take a day doin' the work that I need
Who do you blame when your drive is fucked
I'm in mud
I'm all fragged up
Mm mm, oh no, god damn

Please don't ask me what's on my drive
Just a little Photoshop and a little GoLive
I'm a little pissed off, I need to reset
My drive churns so it scares me to death.

Repeat as necessary

<< Craplin' OS you're a store-bought beta
You make me scream like a gay taskbar hater
So hang on to me, geek
Our rant keeps runnin' on >>

Hee, hee! thalo, you should post that back at the MFI Tech Issues ghost town just to bait them and stir things up! "It's been three years!" HA!

Markle

P.S. What's next? "Brother Steve's Travelin' Crapola Show?"

Update--I think I'll do that one myself. Give me 2 or 3 days.

[This message was edited by Markle on Mon August 11 2003 at 03:46 AM.]

[This message was edited by Markle on Mon August 11 2003 at 03:48 AM.]

By Apple stores, forums and boozers
Mac-loving heads receive
Poured on Platinum users
The blue rinse crap of Steve.

His hands are filled with cat shit
For world-wide Faithful worn;
And X-men taste and love it,
They wolf it down like popcorn.

Now who sees Aqua forever,
He sees no happier sight:
Lights and no grey and never
The grave below the shite.

(Housman)

[This message was edited by yabor on Mon August 11 2003 at 05:52 AM.]

Thalo.net

Smooth between aqua and land
Is laid the forum sand,
And here, while thalo hosts,
The seed of Apple posts.

Here, on the level sand,
Between the aqua and land,
What shall I build or write
Against the fall of night?

(Housman)

Oh on my workflow in days hereafter
Light the Panther should lie,
Such weight to bear is now the Jaguar,
So heavy hangs the GUI.

(Housman)

[Brad, am I right in thinking 'GUI' rhymes with 'lie'?]