16 Tons

Some people say a Mac is made for a chump
The OS made oughtta hustle with crud
Hustle and crud and scam and cons
The GUI is weak but the crap is strong

You load 16 tons of happy horsesh*t
Another thing rendered and deeper in crap
Saint Steven don'tcha con me
'Cause I know bull
You sold the soul of the company's core

It was born one meeting when NeXT came online
They picked up a shovel and crossed the crap line
They loaded sixteen tons on OS 9's core
And the boss man said "Well, let's add some more"

You load 16 tons of happy horsesh*t
Another thing rendered and deeper in crap
Saint Steven don'tcha con me
'Cause I know bull
You sold the soul of the company's core

If you see me a bloggin', better step aside
A lot Crap Settlers better run and hide
One fist of truth, the other of zeal
And if the baiting doesn't get you then your settling will

You load 16 tons of happy horsesh*t
Another thing rendered and deeper in crap
Saint Steven don'tcha con me
'Cause I know bull
You sold the soul of the company's core

Here's an adaptation of a poem by Philip Larkin:


This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, Steve Jobs and NeXT.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had,
And add some unix, just for you.

Aqua sinks the Mac in crap.
It deapens like a coastal shelf.
Speak out as loudly as you can,
And don't have any X yourself.

Great, yabor! Here's another for your listening pleasure:

Hooked on Crap Settlin'

Ooga crappa,
ooga ooga, ooga crappa,
ooga ooga, ooga crappa,
ooga ooga, ooga crappa,
ooga ooga, ooga crappa,

I can't stop this settling
Deep inspired by Steve
Do your worst to criticize
It won't get to me

When I boot you, on my laptop bright
You run so slow, but everything's just right

IIIIII, I-I, I-I'm, hooked on Crap Settlin'
I'm high on forgettin'
The old A – H – I – G's

It drips in sweet eye candy
No taste? It's crossed my mind
You just keep me gurgling
For another Aqua line

Gotta plod in you, sure
But I don't need more hertz
I just stay here settlin'
And enjoy the blurs

All the good crud, in my iApp home
Lick it up, sure, yeah I get a bone

IIIIII, I-I, I-I'm, hooked on Crap Settlin'
I'm high on forgettin'
The old A – H – I – G's

As long as we're into a little poetry...


Do not Crap Settle into that GUI fright.
An old sage should burn and flame with prose and bait.
Blog, blog against the settling on the trite.

Beautiful!

Beachball, beachball, spinning bright
Among the crap, among the trite,
What cupertinal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

When thalo day by day
Woke up in OS Nine
He always used to say:
"Oh! this is very fine."

But Steve from scenes of bliss
Transported him for life:
The more I think of this
The more I love Jon Ive.

(A.E. Housman)

Bwahahahaha!

OK, if there was any nano-shred of doubt in my mind about starting up this site, it has now completely vanished. Hot DAMN that's some sweeeeet smellin' crap. "What cupertinal hand or eye..." LMAO. William Blog, A.E. Mouseman, Drillin Tomyass... classics all.

The once was a guy named Max
Who was given to Apple attacks
He was booted from forums
So many deplored him
But he hasn't yet kissed any ass

If it chance your dock offend you,
Pluck it out, X, and be sound:
'T will hurt, but here are codes to friend you,
And many a launcher will be found.

And if your traffic lights or stripes offend you,
Cut them off, X, and be whole;
But play the mac, log out and end you,
When your sickness is your soul.

(A.E. Housman)

Man, yabor, your stuff is making my stuff look Sophomoric by comparison.

After all these years, I still got it.

I'm off to bed now, have a nice day or evening Brad and everyone.

The once was a guy named Thalo
Wouldn't STFU or lay low
Kept pounding on doors
Screaming "Hey, less is more!"
He's now wearing stripes in a jail-o

quote:

---

Originally posted by yabor:
I'm off to bed now, have a nice day or evening Brad and everyone.

---

Tell me how to pronounce your name and there'll be a rude limerick waiting for you. Nite.

My name is Jan, pronounced yan.

My name is Jan, pronounced yan.

Okay. I'm going to assume it works the same way in German. No short A's.

There once was a guy name Jan
Came straight from Die Nederland
So good is his English
That I can't distinguish
If he flunked out of Harvard or Bonn

We shouldn't forget our left leaner
They guy who wants water that's cleaner
He should do for the Mac
Like the games he would zap
And make Aqua a gross misdemeanor

What about our "right"eous man Brad?
"Chosen" moderator by a hanging chad.
To him, liberals are a fright,
Impinging on his right
To play games that are violently bad.

The politics, I am above it
When I come to the rhyme you will love it
It's just a bad rap
A mean-spirited chap?
Now please take your rhyme and just shove it

The Candy Man

Who can take a platform
Sprinkle it with goo?
Cover it in fuzzy fonts
Unix underpinnings too
The candyman
Cupertino Man can
Cupertino Man can
Cause he… well cause he could
To make himself feel good

Who can take a rainbow
Wrap it in a ball?
Watch it spin delightfully
As the system comes to crawl
The candyman
Cupertino Man can
Cupertino Man can
Cause he… well cause he could
To make himself feel good

Cupertino Man’s a fake
More applications break
So dubious and suspicious
Ads talk about those platform switches
You can call them delusional wishes


Upgrade due tomorrow?
Money spent, more broken dreams
Separate X-Critics sorrows
From the X-Men while they cream
The candyman
Cupertino Man can
Cupertino Man can
Cause he… well cause he could
To make himself feel good

Altogether now (come on X men!):

And it all tastes good
Cause Cupertino Man said it should

quote:

---

Who can take a rainbow
Wrap it in a ball?
Watch it spin delightfully
As the system comes to crawl

---

That's comedy gold, SR. Brilliant. Man, you don't know how much fun it is using the words "SR" on an internet forum again. But let's not be just nicey-nicey. I'm gonna nail ya good with a limerick sometime.