The Tragedy of Julius Thalus
by William Shakespeare


ACT ONE.

SCENE I. Cupertino. A street.

Enter KLAPAUZIUS, SMITZUS, and certain Crap-settlers

KLAPAUZIUS
Hence! home, you bloody chimps, get you home:
Is this a holiday? Speak, what trade art thou?

First Crap-settler
Why, sir, a nosepicker.

Second Crap-settler
Truly, sir, I am but, as you would say, a slack cutter.

KLAPAUZIUS
And wherefore art not in thy home today?
Why dost thou and these bangers bounce about the streets?
And with blue-rinsed hair too?

Second Crap-settler
We make holiday, sir, to see Tiger and to rejoice in his triumph.

SMITZUS
Rejoice! Wherefore rejoice?
You blocks of quartz, you worse than senseless things!
O you hard hearts, you cruel Cupertinoans,
Knew you not King Macintus? Many a time and oft
Have you climb'd up to G3 towers, and there have stood
To see King Macintus wave the pirate flag
Over Cupertino; he brought you freedom:
And when you saw his platinum chariot but appear,
Have you not made an universal shout of joy?
And do you now blue-rinse your hair?
And do you now cull out a holiday?
And do you now strew gumdrops in his way
That comes in triumph over Macintus's blood? Be gone!

Exeunt


SCENE II. Panther Square.

Enter TIGER, MITHRADITUS, DIGIKIDUS, and CRAPQUA; a great crowd following, among them a Soothsayer

TIGER
Crapqua!

CRAPQUA
Here, my lord.

TIGER
Stand you always directly in Thalus' way,
Whenever he doth attempt to work. Digikidus!

DIGIKIDUS
Tiger, my lord?

TIGER
Forget not, in your twiddling, Digikidus,
To regularly lick Crapqua; lick her well.

DIGIKIDUS
I shall remember:
When Tiger says “do this,” it is perform'd.

TIGER
Good boy.

SOOTHSAYER
Tiger!

TIGER
Ha! who calls? Speak; Tiger is turn'd to hear.

SOOTHSAYER
Beware the ides of March.

TIGER
What BS is that?
What say'st thou to me? Speak once again.
My hearing (among other things) is not good.

SOOTHSAYER
Beware the ides of March.

TIGER
The iDells of Mach? The iDells of Mach?
He speaks in riddles; let us leave him: pass.

Exeunt all except MITHRADITUS and DIGIKIDUS

Shout. Flourish

MITHRADITUS
A general shout!
I do believe that these applauses are
For some new honours that are heap'd on Tiger
In anticipation of tomorrow’s crowning.

DIGIKIDUS
Why, he doth bestride the narrow world
Like a Craposaurus, and we X-men
Twiddle under his wobbly legs and peep about
To find ourselves widgets and i-tunes.
We are underlings, and proud of it.

MITHRADITUS
Now, in the names of all the gods at once,
Upon what candy doth this our Tiger feed,
That he is grown so deliciously fat?

Re-enter Tiger and his Train

MITHRADITUS
The angry spot doth glow on Tiger's brow,
And all the rest look like a chidden train:
Ricus's cheek is pale; and Janus Kew trembles.

DIGIKIDUS
Crapqua will tell us what the matter is.

TIGER
Mithraditus!

MITHRADITUS
My lord?

TIGER
Let me have men about me that are fat;
Soft-headed men and such as twiddle thumbs:
Yon Julius Thalus has a lean and mean look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.

MITHRADITUS
Fear him not, Tiger; he's not dangerous;
He is a faithful and true blue Appleman.

TIGER
Would he were fatter! But I fear him not:
Yet if my name were liable to fear,
I do not know the man I should avoid
So soon as that lean Thalus. He reads much;
He is a great observer and he looks
Quite through the bulshit of men.
He loves not widgets, as thou dost, Mithraditus;
Such men as he be never at heart's ease
Whiles they behold con-men and their dupes,
And therefore are they very dangerous.

Exeunt Tiger and all his Train, but Crapqua

CRAPQUA
You pull'd me by the tit; would you speak with me?

MITHRADITUS
Ay, gentle Crapqua; tell us what hath chanced just now,
that Tiger looks so unstable; but soft, I pray you.
What, did Tiger swound again, per chance?

CRAPQUA
Ay, he fell down, um, unexpectedly;
and panicked at the kernel,
and was unconscious.

DIGIKIDUS
'Tis very like: he hath the falling sickness.

MITHRADITUS
Among many other ills, if truth be told, quod non.
What said the people when Tiger came unto himself?

CRAPQUA
All crap-settlers forgave him with all their hearts;
And I am sure if Tiger had stabbed their mothers,
They would have done no less.

MITHRADITUS
Did Ricus say any thing?

CRAPQUA
Ay, he spoke Geek.

MITHRADITUS
To what effect?

CRAPQUA
Those that understood him smiled at
One another and languidly spun gears;
But, for mine own part, it was Greek to me.

DIGIKIDUS
Will you lap-dance for me to-night, Crapqua?
I long for your enormous blue ass, and
I am eager to lick you un peu partout.

CRAPQUA
My pleasure; I will be delighted.

DIGIKIDUS
Good: I will expect you.

CRAPQUA
Do so. Farewell, both.

Exit

MITHRADITUS
You licky bastard. For this time I will leave you:
To-morrow, if you will, come to my laboratory,
and I will boil you an egg.

DIGIKIDUS
I will do so: till then, think of the world.

Exit both.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE III. Night. A street.

Fierce thunder and lightning. Enter JANUS QWUS and RICUS

JANUS QWUS
Good even, Ricus: brought you Tiger home?
So, tomorrow he will be crowned, our Tiger.
Why are you breathless? And why stare you so?

RICUS
Janus, what night is this!

JANUS QWUS
A very pleasing night to X-Men...

RICUS
Indubitably; yet the omens are not good:
For who ever knew the heavens menace so?
Are not you moved, when all the sway of earth
Bounces like a thing unfirm? O Janus Qwus,
I fear this our X-world, too bloated by half,
Incenses the gods to send civil strive.
And who could blame them?
All around me, I feel a maclash brewing.

JANUS QWUS
Now could I, Ricus, name to thee a man
Most like this dreadful night,
That thunders, lightens, opens coffins, and roars;
A man no mightier than thyself or me
In personal action, yet prodigious grown
And fearful, as these strange eruptions are.

RICUS
'Tis Thalus that you mean; is it not?

JANUS QWUS
Let it be who it is: for Mac users in this age
Have thews and limbs like to their ancestors;
But, woe the while! our fathers' MINDS are dead.
Our yoke and sufferance show us chimpish.

RICUS
Indeed. X-men are willing marks;
we’re crap-settlers--how could I deny it?
But what can ye do?

JANUS QWUS
Let us go and speak with Julius Thalus; look,
greybeards are entering his studio.
I smell maclash.

RICUS
Alright, let us go and join them.

Exeunt

end of act one

ACT TWO

Cupertino. Thalus's studio.

Enter Thalus

THALUS
It must be by his death: and for my part,
I have both personal cause to spurn at him,
And also general. Tiger our King? That is
out of the question. Not on my watch.

Enter the conspirators MAXIMUS, RICUS, JANUS QWUS, HIGHUS HOPUS, MARCLUS, SNOBBIUS ROBBIUS, and LAPDANCIUS

MAXIMUS
I think we are too bold upon your rest:
Good morrow, Thalus; do we trouble you?

THALUS
I have been up this hour, bèta-testing
And nurse-maiding friggin’ OS X all night.
Know I these men that come along with you?

MAXIMUS
Yes, every man of them, and no man here
But honours king Macintus.
This is Lapdancius, son of Nel.

THALUS
He is welcome hither.

MAXIMUS
This, Highus Hopus.

THALUS
He is welcome too.

MAXIMUS
This, Marclus; this, Janus Qwus; this, Snobbius Robbius; and this, Ricus.

THALUS
They are all welcome.
Give me your hands all over, one by one.
What watchful cares do interpose themselves
Betwixt your eyes and night?

MAXIMUS
The crowning, tomorrow, of Tiger worries us.

THALUS
Will ye fight with me against the bloated tyrant?

MAXIMUS
We will, noble Thalus. Let us swear our resolution.

THALUS
No, not an oath: if not the stench of crap,
The sufferance of our souls, geeks’ abuse,--
If these be motives weak, break off betimes,
And every man hence to his idle bed.
What need we any spur but our own cause,
To prick us to redress? what other bond
Than faithful brothers, that understand LIM,
And will not crap-settle? and what other oath
Than honesty to honesty engaged,
That this shall be, or we will fall for it?
Swear Windozers and cowards and men cautelous,
Old feeble carrions and such suffering souls
That welcome wrongs; unto bad causes swear
Such creatures as men doubt; but do not stain
The even virtue of our enterprise,
Nor the insuppressive mettle of our spirits,
To think that or our cause or our performance
Did need an oath. Capiche?

ALL BROTHERS
Yes. We swear our resolution.

THALUS
For Christus’ sakes. What did I just ... o, forget it.
rips out hair

LAPDANCIUS
Shall no man else be touch'd but only Tiger?
What about Jobsus?

THALUS
Let us be warriors, but not butchers.
We all stand up against the spirit of Tiger;
And in the spirit of men there is no blood:
O, that we then could come by Tiger's spirit,
And not dismember Tiger! But, alas,
Tiger must bleed for it! And, gentle friends,
Let's hew him as a carcass fit for hounds;
As for Jobsus, think not of him, Lapdancius;
For he can do no more than Tiger's arm
When Tiger's head is off.

LAPDANCIUS
I hope you’re right, but think and fear you’re not.

Clock strikes five

MARCLUS
The morning comes upon 's: we'll leave you, Thalus.
And, friends, show yourselves true Macmen.

THALUS
Peace! This afternoon Tiger will come to the Crapitol
to be crowned. There and then we shall slay him.
Good brothers, look fresh and merrily.
And so good morrow to you every one.

Exeunt all but THALUS

Enter Platina

PLATINA
Thalus, my lord!

THALUS
Platina, what mean you? wherefore rise you now?
It is not for your health thus to commit
Your naked breasts to the raw cold morning.
Good Platina, go back to bed.

PLATINA
You've ungently, Thalus,
Stole from my bed: and yesternight
You suddenly arose, and walk'd about,
Musing, sighing, and rolling your eyes,
And gave sign for me to leave you: so I did;
Dear my lord, share your sorrows with me;
Make me acquainted with your cause of grief.
I will stand by you always.

THALUS
O ye gods,
Render me worthy of this noble wife!

PLATINA
What's to do?

THALUS
A piece of work that will make sick men whole.

PLATINA
But are not some whole that we must make sick?

THALUS
No, all our enemies are sick. What it is, my Platina,
I shall unfold to thee, as we are going
To whom it must be done.

PLATINA
Set on your foot,
And with a heart new-fired I follow you,
To do I know not what: but it sufficeth
That Thalus leads me on.

THALUS
Follow me, then. The game is afoot.

Exeunt

end of act two

ACT THREE.

SCENE I. Tiger's mansion.

Thunder and lightning.
Enter Tiger, in his transparent night-gown

TIGER
Nor heaven nor earth have been at peace to-night:
Ten times hath Crapqua in her sleep cried out,
“Help, ho! they murder Tiger!”
I am sick with fear; my legs wobble; I am shaking.
I dare not go out.

Enter Crapqua

CRAPQUA
My lord, do not go forth to-day: call it my fear
That keeps you in the house, and not your own.
Let me, upon my knee, prevail in this.

TIGER
For thy humour, I will stay at home.

Enter Mithraditus

MITHRADITUS
Tiger, all hail! good morrow, worthy Tiger:
I come to fetch you to the Crapitol.

TIGER
And you are come in very happy time,
To bear my greeting to the worthy marketeers
And tell them that I will not come to-day:
I will not come to-day: tell them so, Mithraditus.

MITHRADITUS
Most mighty Tiger, let me know some cause,
Lest I be laugh'd at when I tell them so.

CRAPQUA
Say he is sick.

TIGER
The cause is in my will: I will not come;
That is enough to satisfy the Marketeers.
But for your private satisfaction,
Because I love you, I will let you know:
Crapqua here, my wife, stays me at home:
She dreamt to-night I would be murdered,
And hath begg'd that I will stay at home to-day.
You know what women are.

MITHRADITUS
The marketeers have concluded
To give this day a crown to mighty Tiger.
If Tiger hide himself, shall they not whisper
“Lo, Tiger is afraid and weak”?
Fear nothing, for I will stay by thy side
And guard thee with my life.

TIGER
Give me my blue robe, Crapqua, for I will go.

Enter JOBSUS, INTELUS INSIDUS, JANUS QWUS, and NEXTUS.

JOBSUS
Good morrow, mighty Tiger.

TIGER
Good friends, go in, and taste some GoGurt with me;
And we, like friends, will straightway go together.

JANUS QWUS
[Aside] That every like is not the same, O Tiger,
The heart of Janus Qwus yearns to think upon!

Exeunt


SCENE II. A street near the Crapitol.

Enter Yaborus

YABORUS
Tiger, Tiger, beware of Janus Qwus; take heed of Smitzus;
come not near Marclus; have an eye to Ricus; trust not Klapauzius;
mark well Maximus; Highus Hopus and Snobbius Robbius
love thee not; shun Lapdancius; thou hast wronged Thalus.
There is but one mind in all these men, and it is
bent against Tiger.

Exit

end of act three

.
Genius at work!
.

Applause, applause, applause, applause!

I concur. I was actually in this play (in a community theater production) as guess who, lol... so it's near and dear to my heart.

Still cracking up over Lapdancius... [weep!]

Thanks all for the kind words, glad you like the play.

ACT FOUR

Before the Crapitol; the Marketeers sitting above.
A crowd of crap-settlers.

MITHRADITUS kneels
Most high, most mighty, and most puissant Tiger,
Mithraditus throws before thy paws
An humble heart,--

THALUS
Um, excuse me.

TIGER
What, Thalus!
Doth not Thalus bootless kneel?

THALUS
Chimps, twiddlers, nosepickers, lend me your ears.
To be or not to be...Christus...hold on...Right:
I come to slay Tiger, not to crown him.
Tiger murdered Macintus. And the noble Jobsus
Hath told you Platinum and the AHIGs were junk.
Please. I argue that Stevus Jobsus hath lost it;
He hath lost his soul and now shovels crap to us.
Here come I to speak in Macintus’ defence:
He was my friend, faithful and just to me.
He hath brought many pros to Cupertino
Whose treasure did the general coffers fill.
Yet Jobsus says Macintus and his HIGs were junk,
And Jobsus is an honorable man...No wait,
I speak to disprove what Jobsus spoke,
And here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love Macintus once, not without cause.
What cause withholds you then to despise Tiger?
O judgment! Thou art fled to conspiring brothers,
And you fools have lost your reason. Bear with me.
My heart’s in a certain mock coffin with Macintus,
And I must pause till it come back to me. weeps

Marclus first, then the other Conspirators and Thalus stab Tiger

TIGER
Et tu, Janus Qwe! Then fall, Tiger.

Dies

LAPDANCIUS
Less! Is! More! Tyranny is dead!
Though I still say: let us take care
of Jobsius while we have the chance.

RICUS
Where is Mithraditus?

MARCLUS
He fled to his laboratory amazed.
NeXTies, geeks and digikids stare, cry out and run
As it were doomsday.

THALUS
Stoop, Brothers, stoop,
And let us bathe our hands in Tiger's blood
Up to the elbows, and besmear our swords:
Then walk we forth through Cupertino’s streets,
And, waving our red weapons o'er our heads,
Let's all cry “Toolness, freedom and liberty!”

JANUS QWUS
Stoop, then, and wash. How many ages hence
Shall this our lofty scene be acted over
In states unborn and accents yet unknown!

HIGHUS HOPUS
So oft as that shall be,
So often shall our brothership be call'd
The men that gave their country liberty.

Enter Leopardus

LEOPARDUS
O mighty Tiger! dost thou lie so low?
Are all thy widgets, dockies, gumdrops, stripes,
Shrunk to this little measure? Fare thee well.
I know not, gentlemen, what you intend,
Who else must be let blood...

THALUS
Fear not, young Leopardus:
Though now we must appear bloody and cruel,
Yet, young Leopardus, see you but our hands
And this the bleeding business they have done:
Our hearts you see not; they are pitiful;
And pity to the general wrong of Cupertino
Hath done this deed on Tiger. For your part,
Our arms and our hearts do receive you in
With all kind love, good thoughts, and reverence.

LEOPARDUS
I doubt not of your wisdom.
Gentlemen and brothers all,-- what shall I say?
Friends am I with you all and love you all.
[Aside] Filthy murdering scum. O Tiger!

THALUS
Thy heart is big, get thee apart and weep.

Exeunt all except Leopardus

LEOPARDUS
O, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers!
Woe to the brothers who shed this thick blood!
Over thy wounds now do I prophesy
A curse shall light upon these brothers;
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife
Shall cumber all the parts of this land;
Blood and destruction shall be so in use
That lurkers shall but smile when they behold
Apostles quarter'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
And Tiger's spirit, ranging for revenge,
With Quartz by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a moloch's voice
Cry ‘iHavoc,” and let slip the dogs of war.

end of act four

ACT FIVE

Panther Square.
Enter Jobsus, and Geeks bearing the corpse of Tiger,
and a throng of Crap-settlers

Jobsus goes into the dock

First Crap-settler
The noble Jobsus is ascended: silence!

Second Crap-settler
Peace! let us hear what Jobsus will say.

JOBSUS
You gentle crap-settlers, dear friends,--

Second Crap-settler
Poor soul! his eyes are red as fire with weeping.

Third Crap-settler
There's not a nobler man in Cupertino than Jobsus.

JOBSUS
Friends, I brought with me the corpse of Tiger;
Pray make a ring about, and let me show you
The lickable tyrant who loved you all. (weeps)

First Crap-settler
Traffic lights no longer shine...(weeps)

JOBSUS
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
You all recognize this baby-blue mantle:
Look, in this place ran Marclus' dagger through:
See what a rent the envious Thalus made:
Through this the traitor Janus Qwus stabb'd;
O you gods, how dearly Tiger loved Janus Qwus!
This was the most unkindest cut of all:
For when the noble Tiger saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms,
Quite vanquish'd him: then burst his mighty heart;
And, in this mantle muffling up his face,
Great Tiger fell. O, weep now, weep: for
Then I, and you, and all X-Men fell down,
Whilst bloody treason flourish'd over us.
Weep, weep: these are gracious drops.

Second Crap-settler
O noble Tiger!

Third Crap-settler
O woful ides of March!

First Crap-settler
O piteous spectacle!

Fourth Crap-settler
O traitors, villains!

First Crap-settler
O most bloody sight!

JOBSUS
I came not, friends, to steal away your hearts;
I am not a slick and scheming orator, as Thalus is;
I am, as all the world knows, a plain blunt man;
I lie not; I bait not; I only speak right on;
Good friends, dear friends, I simply tell you
that which you yourselves already do know;
Show you sweet, sweet Tiger's cruel wounds,
And bid them speak for me: My God, I-- (weeps bitterly)

All Crap-settlers
Revenge! About! Seek! Burn! Fire! Kill! Slay!
Let not a traitor live!
We'll burn down the house of Thalus.

Third Crap-settler
Away, then! come, seek the conspirators.
Go fetch fire. Revenge! revenge!

Exeunt Crap-settlers

JOBSUS
Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot,
Take thou what course thou wilt!

Exit

end of act five

ACT SIX

SCENE I. The field of battle at Thalonet.
Loud alarums

Messenger
Altivecus had been taken prisoner by Leopardus,
And brother Ricus rode to Leopardus
and begged for his friend Altivecus’ life;
Leopardus killed them both.
Beware, the evil Jobsus is on his way.

YABORUS
Courage, noble brothers! You know,
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard.
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.

THALUS
X-Men, you cheered when NeXTies’s vile daggers
Hack'd one another in the sides of Macintus:
You show'd your teeth like apes, and fawn'd like hounds,
And bow'd like slaves, licking Jobsus's arse;
Whilst damned Quartz, like a cur, behind
Struck Platinum on the neck. O you retards!

HIGHUS HOPUS
Look, I draw a sword against crap-settlers;
When think you that the sword goes up again?
Never, till Macintus be well avenged.
Defiance, X-Men, hurl we in your rotten teeth.

JANUS QWUS
I am fresh of spirit and resolved
To meet all perils very constantly.
I am constant as the northern star.

MARCLUS
Thalus, if we lose this battle,
You are contented to be led in triumph
Through the streets of Cupertino?

THALUS
No, Marclus; think not, thou noble Brother,
That ever Thalus will go bound to Cupertino;
Not a chance. What, shall I ever contaminate
my skilful fingers with multi-button mice,
Or fill the mighty space of my Thirty Incher
With so much crap as Jobsus may shovel onto it?
No way. I shall kill myself first.

MARCLUS
Whether we shall meet again I know not.
Therefore our everlasting farewell take:
For ever, and for ever, farewell, Thalus!
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not, why then, this parting was well made.

THALUS
For ever, and for ever, farewell, Marclus!
If we do meet again, we'll smile indeed;
If not, 'tis true this parting was well made.

Exeunt


SCENE II. The same. The field of battle.

Alarums.

YABORUS
Brother Marclus is no more. O setting sun,
As in thy red rays thou dost sink to-night,
So in his red blood Marclus' day is set;
Brothers, the Sun of Agoura Hills is set!

JANUS QWUS
The battle’s lost; but vile Leopardus
Shall not take me alive. Adieu all.

Kills himself

YABORUS
Janus Qwus is slain.

THALUS and PLATINA
O damned Jobsus, thou art mighty yet!
There’s nothing for it but to turn our swords
In our own proper entrails.

Kill themselves

YABORUS
The valiant Master Baiter is no more.
Neither is Platina, his dear wife.
They are slain.

Low alarums

SMITZUS
Look, a comet! When bangers die, there are no comets seen;
The heavens themselves blaze forth the death of Mac pros.

Kills himself

KLAPAUZIUS
Night hangs upon mine eyes; my bones would rest,
That have but labour'd to attain this hour.
No more; good night world.

Kills himself

MAXIMUS and SNOBBIUS ROBBIUS
It must be getting mighty crowded in Heaven. Here we come.

Kill themselves

YABORUS
I am losing count of dead brothers.
This is terrible, terrible.

LAPDANCIUS
A horse! A horse! A horse! A horse!

HIGHUS HOPUS
What dost thou needst a horse for, noble friend?

LAPDANCIUS
Trust me, valiant brother, you
Do not want to know.
Anyway, forget it, I know my hour is come.

HIGHUS HOPUS
Not so, my friend.

LAPDANCIUS
Nay, I am sure it is, Highus Hopus.
Thou seest the world, how it goes;
Our enemies have beat us to the pit:

Low alarums

It is more worthy to leap in ourselves,
Than tarry till they push us. Good Highus Hopus,
I prithee, Hold thou my sword-hilts,
whilst I run on it.

HIGHUS HOPUS
Not a problem. Fare you well, dear brother.

LAPDANCIUS
Farewell, Highus Hopus.

Runs on his sword

HIGHUS HOPUS
There is no more to say.

Kills himself

YABORUS
All my good brothers are dead.
O ye gods, ye gods! must I endure all this?
I had better go home now.
This is terrible, terrible. (sighs)


SCENE III.
Another part of the field of battle.

LEOPARDUS
Mithraditus, where is the Master Baiter?

MITHRADITUS
Free from the bondage I am in, Leopardus:
We crap-settlers can but make a fire of him;
For Thalus only overcame himself,
And no man else hath honour by his death.

JOBSUS
Thalus was the noblest Brother of them all:
His life was gentle, and the elements
So mix'd in him that Nature might stand up
And say to all the world “This was a Mac pro!”

LEOPARDUS
Look, Stevus Jobsus meditates.
Now is that noble vessel full of grief,
That it runs over even at his eyes.

JOBSUS
On my desktop Thalus’ bones to-night shall lie,
Most like a soldier, order'd spatially. O yes.
So call the field to rest; and let's away,
To part the glories of this happy day.

Exeunt

THE END

I will never, ever get over THIS:

quote:

Chimps, twiddlers, nosepickers, lend me your ears.

[howl!]

Oh sweet mercy we are not worthy.

That was just brilliant.

Bravo Yabor!

quote:

Hold thou my sword-hilts,
whilst I run on it.

HIGHUS HOPUS
Not a problem.

Love it!

The late Markle
.

Wasn't that something! Better and more interesting than the original. Smart and clever. Real smart and real clever. Just how good is this guy, Yabor? There doesn't seem to be any real limits.

.
Yabor, how did a Dutchman like you become so good with colloquial English?
.

Brothers, I always enjoy tinkering with brother William’s stuff, and I’m very glad you’ve enjoyed this last result of my efforts.

I might do another Shakespeare play. I’m checking out Thaleo and Juliet.

Colloquial English:

Brother Markle, I have never lived in an English-speaking country, but I do read an awful lot of English novels, most of them contemporary. Must be some 100-150 a year. In fact I hardly ever read books in Dutch anymore (I feel I’ve read all the good ones already).

And I pick up good stuff here on thalo.net.

And I pick up a lot from TV, of course.

I grew up with American movies and TV-series (Star Trek! Alias Smith and Jones!) In Holland, these are shown in the original language, with subtitles (in France, Germany, Spain, their own languages get dubbed in--last time I looked anyway).

So Dutch kids as they grow up hear English spoken all the time, on television.
And we learn English (and at least one other foreign language) at school, from the age of 12, 13.

Also, English as such isn’t a difficult language for Dutchmen. English and Dutch are closely related.
Examples:
My name is Mark El; Mijn naam is Mark El.
I have a house; Ik heb een huis.
We are sick; Wij zijn ziek.