Just downloaded Final Excuse Pro. Figured it was an application you pro guys use all the time.

Anyway, I plugged in OSX in the Transgression other field and this is what it gave me the first time:

"Behold my prepared statement regarding OSX... the League of Simians irresponsibly developed an exciting new cob-without-corn concept, ensuring the obsolescence of my illogical multiparty democracy"

and the second time:

"That Bongo the monkey, and his menacing arsenal of coconuts is the secret puppetmaster orchestrating OSX!"

Too funny.

Oh, and I typed in Brad Nelson under Scapegoat. It gave me:

"But Brad Nelson led me to believe that I could rely on your general pattern of oblivion to forget!"

Hilarious, and yet chilling.

Somebody please answer me why Apple software has to be a laughingstock?

Look at the latest G5 ad. OK, so maybe the kid is SLIGHTLY less a doofus than the switchers, but the message that that ad sent ME was this:

Try to use the G5 and it kicks your ass through a wall. It sends pro users AWAY instead of attracting them. Subtle. Effective. True.

Ha, I'm still trying to find a good answer to WHAT exactly has blown him out of the house in that commercial...

quote:

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"But Brad Nelson led me to believe that I could rely on your general pattern of oblivion to forget!"

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General pattern of oblivion. That just koaned me.

Yet another damned Apple advertisment that has no distinctive music or narration at the beginning, only right at the end.

Apple has to realize that people are not looking at the screen when ads come on! I'm checking email or doing stuff around the room and whatnot. Only when I hear something that is enticing do I turn and look. I routinely stop and even sit down to watch certain well-made commercials, but this last one is ultra lame and groan inducing.

How about waiting for the frigging things to ship befor bragging?

I'm just mad that I can't get one. Not only that but neither can any potential switchers. Imagine a switcher being told "Oh, you saw the commercial and want a G5? Oh well it's not out yet."....yeah right.

I love how Apple sells a high priced compositor (Shake 3: $4,950.00) and then just uses white backgrounds for its ads. Then they make a commercial with no music right after introducing Soundtrack.

Why couldn't they do the Jeff Goldblum thing first?

(Kid sits down at Mac, does a few things)
Narration: Introducing the Powermac G5
(Exterior: quiet, birds chirping, then kid gets blown through the wall, hits tree)
Slow crawl through the hole made in the house, zoom into G5 desktop.
Narration: The worlds faster personal computer.
Apple logo/G5

See? They need to "getcha" right as the ad comes on. Not silence, then indistinct crashing and crumbling and barking etc...

By the time I turned around the commercial was over. Happened like 6 times before I actually saw it. I doubt anyone other than a machead like me would look for the commercial to watch it all the way through, and they needn't waste a penny trying to advertise to ME, I'm sold. Just ship the fuckers.

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See? They need to "getcha" right as the ad comes on. Not silence, then indistinct crashing and crumbling and barking etc...

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I think you're absolutely right, Oh Mighty One, and that's some pretty fair analysis.

I was going to start a discussion of that ad when I first saw it during the MLB All-Star Game but it slipped my mind – or, actually, there just didn't seem to be much to talk about. It was, as BT said, slightly less doofus, but then I didn't think it had much going for it either. It was just sort of there.

How about having some breathtaking women (with small breasts) appear wearing a tight white shirt with a Pentium logo on it. Then a really BIG girl steps out in the same white shirt but with a stretched G5 logo on it.

Jeff Goldblum: "Apple's new G5 computer. Gee."

No?

It's not the size but the firmness...

The G5 in that ad appeared in a HOME.
To me, that means home and/or casual use. The user was a digikid. Same stupid market being targeted. I took one look at that kid and said he was probably headed for the iTunes music store. Thank God the computer stopped him. But boy, it was a little rough.

I still want to see some pros. Some cool, funky creative biz settings. They can pay for Jeff Goldblum, why not let's SEE Jeff Goldblum? Their celeb ad wasn't bad.

Let' get Ann-Margret to sit in front of a G5, in a skintight white jumpsuit, with WHO music playing... throbbing iTunes visuals mesmerize her...as she's regarding the G5, liquid crap starts squirting out of the grille holes at great pressure, drenching her. She rolls around in it.

A pro user sits in front of a G5... excited about using this powerful new hardware. He's sipping a Starbucks. Puts the paper cup down on the desk, and looks at the surface tension of the coffee: ripples, like that scene in Jurassic Park. Boom (ripples).... Boom (ripples)... Boom (ripples)... He can't figure out where the hell the vibrations are coming from. He looks this way and that. Finally he opens the door on the side of the G5 and peers in: A fat bloated brontosaurus, groaning under its own weight, painted up like a 2 dollar whore, blue with stripes, and fake aluminum... candy-widget eyes... has its tail raised and is firing big loaves of crap at the motherboard...

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I took one look at that kid and said he was probably headed for the iTunes music store. Thank God the computer stopped him. But boy, it was a little rough.

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LOL. I'm sure that for the next boot-up sequence the kid will be sure to pad the tree. This won't help because next time it's the desk drawer that flies out, hitting him in the nuts. I can see a series of these commercials where the bruised, battered and bandaged DigiKid keeps getting up off the floor and trying to find new ways to safely work with his screaming-fast G5.

quote:

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A pro user sits in front of a G5... excited about using this powerful new hardware. He's sipping a Starbucks. Puts the paper cup down on the desk, and looks at the surface tension of the coffee: ripples, like that scene in Jurassic Park. Boom (ripples).... Boom (ripples)... Boom (ripples)... He can't figure out where the hell the vibrations are coming from. He looks this way and that. Finally he opens the door on the side of the G5 and peers in: A fat bloated brontosaurus, groaning under its own weight, painted up like a 2 dollar whore, blue with stripes, and fake aluminum... candy-widget eyes... has its tail raised and is firing big loaves of crap at the motherboard...

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Are we getting just slightly annoyed?

I can't understand how the lamp got underneath the desk just so.

And I hate how the counters are cut through.

Now if there had been a smouldering red meat covered skeleton that smashes against the tree, I'd like it better as a whole.

But Apple doesn't have the balls that Lipton Ice Tea does...alas...

On ads.

Our office has been looking to change out the aging Epson 3000. HP has a new 24" printer for under $2000 for a fully networked model. Like mind readers HP sends us a bulk mail ad on the new printer. It is a threefold ad when opened there is a photo of a 20 something sitting at a desk in a corner with a Mac on top to his right in the photo is the new HP printer. The only problem is they crop half the printer out of the image. How do you sell a product and you are affraid to show the whole thing in the ad. I looked for a disclaimer at the bottom saying only for offices larger than a certain size. The guy is sitting on a chair without any wheels as well. The photo should have at least had an italicized caption that said "not an actual working environment".

I have not seen this new Apple ad yet. I am sure I can find it at apple.com.

<< It's not the size but the firmness... >>

In MY book, it's the perkiness of the nipple.

Different strokes......

Markle

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Oh, great... Final Excuse Pro is X-only.


Markle

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Originally posted by thalo:
A pro user sits in front of a G5... excited about using this powerful new hardware. He's sipping a Starbucks. Puts the paper cup down on the desk, and looks at the surface tension of the coffee: ripples, like that scene in Jurassic Park. Boom (ripples).... Boom (ripples)... Boom (ripples)... He can't figure out where the hell the vibrations are coming from. He looks this way and that. Finally he opens the door on the side of the G5 and peers in: A fat bloated brontosaurus, groaning under its own weight, painted up like a 2 dollar whore, blue with stripes, and fake aluminum... candy-widget eyes... has its tail raised and is firing big loaves of crap at the motherboard...

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haha!! funny Jurassic Park allusion! great idea brother Thalo. I don't like much the idea of a dinosaur being inside the G5, BUT, what about a Dinosaur in a 20' Cinema? Maybe the guy was rendering some Dinosaur scene, somehow left it to loop, or the rendition had just finished, and the was "sipping a Starbucks" reading a newspaper.... when all of a sudden..... bum................................................ bum........................bum.......... bum bum bum bum. Guy: "what the..." Looks up the screen. Then Jeff Goldblum comes in with some cool line